Savior

Their words fall like spears.
Slicing through shredded ardor and armor.
Rendering every promise hollow.
A pumping heart, gushing hot blood.
Vicious anger.
Rising like bile, right to the head.
Numbing thought to every action.
Self-destructing at best.
Explodes.
A solitary tear trickles; the wrath ebbs.
A little voice, purely in my head.
"I'm there. I'm always there."
It trickles down a warm cheek; flushed red with despair so potent.
Instance upon instance flashes.
Of unadulterated care.
Of goodness, forgiveness, truth.
Of proof that love exists. Proof.
The tear finds it's way to quivering lips.
Though curved at the end, ever so slightly.
I smile, for I have known you.
I smile, for I know you.
I smile, for you're always there.
Somewhere, where despair wanes and hope prevails

..and here we are.

It won't happen to me.

Welllll, and why won't it?

I'm..y'know, a good person..maybe?

Bullshit.
That halo around your head has been crushed to powder. That high, white horse you're riding on? Its hooves trampled all over it, as you looked down upon us mere mortals, pitying us and our petty existence.
You rode high, child. Galloped over mountains, tasted the sky, shone like the sun in all its glory.
Lucky as you were, you saw love. Felt it. True love, shining out of an oxytocin-pumped ass. Too bad it was blinding, crippling, and well, it just made you foolish.
You left, to always be held back.
You cried, to always be consoled.
You threw tantrums and got to sit on godly pedestals.
You loved, to get loved back. Fiercer by a million.
All that is gone now. The light is still shining, oxytocin-laden and blinding. Probably to someone with shades on.
While you, delusional princess, are right here with us mortals.
Leave all you want; the hole you leave shall be promptly filled.
Cry all you want. If you look carefully, you might just catch the glint of an ecstatic smirk through the tears.
You aren't on a pedestal, you're down there, slithering in dirt and venom.
Another number on a list.
Another tick mark across yet another name.
You can try to jump, save some dignity.
But you lack the sanity.
You will come back, like a moth to a flame.
And you will be burned.
Over and over and over again.

Fuck academia.
I'm outta here.

Bare to the bone

It's a content sleep in love.
Why wouldn't it be?
Dreams of clouds, kisses and rains.
Of the happy smile on your face.
Of gentlest hands and even gentler voices.
Soaked in warmth, in tangible love.
All your little talks, littler fears,
Baring your soul, slice by tiny slice.
I hold it dear, precious as it is,
Smiling as you smile, cringing as you cringe
Hanging onto every syllable,
As it smoothens every worry, ruffle by little ruffle.
A love so blatant, it's almost crass.
So intense, there's no denying it.
I rip my heart out and lay it out bare.
Leave it beating, out in the cold with yours.
But it's warmer there than it has ever been with me.
It's a content sleep in love.
Why wouldn't it be?

Disposed

They said I'll grow out of my clothes.

They said I'll grow out of my childish tantrums.

They said I'll grow out of my little toys, my little fears. 

People, they said, are here to stay.

The air keeps getting thicker; my breath raspy.

The world is grey. So are the people.

And in the millions of greys, are a handful of reds.

The reds, I love.

Unconditionally, they said. 

Forever they will stay. Without a doubt.

But the reds don't seem so red anymore.

Maybe they're turning grey, or maybe it's just me.

The air is thick with grey and red fumes. Mixing and twirling. 

It makes it's way towards me, clouding my vision, my head and my heart.

I'm breathless now.

I close my eyes and fall with a thud.

I see blue.

I smile. 

Fate?

So much to ask, so much to say.
A heart brimming with emotions, skin longing for touch.
Two pairs of locked eyes, two seconds of eloquent silence.
They talk with a look, kiss with a gaze.
A stomach still in knots, they then look away.

Circle.

You close in on me.
I push you away.
I fight, kick, scream, resist.
Throw me against the ground, but with your hand behind my head.
Hold my twitching self down. Whisper what I refuse to listen, but crave to hear.
Force your brown gaze into my restless eyes.
Chill me.
Indulge in my melancholy.
Brave my inner demons, my conflicting emotions.
Calm the turmoil, the fears galore.
Lay with me, through the eloquent silence, as our fervent breaths mingle.
Cherish my tranquil self, till it lasts.
For, I pull away, with a violent jerk, hysteria creeping into my callous eyes.
Disbelief. Distrust.
I run.
With faltering steps, haltingly and unsure. Away from you.
Watch me grope about, touching fire and ice.
Indulging in the bittersweet pain, willing to replace your presence in every iota of my being.
Watch me scream, with a burning rage, wanting to tear the skin off my body, where your smell still lingers.
Watch me, as nostalgia crawls around my neck, stifles my screams, renders me breathless and finally, inert.
Watch me, as I get up, slowly, only to stumble, then crawl.
Watch.
Wait. 
To nurse my crimson palms and knees.
For I may run. But, where will I run, if not right back to you?

Oh, Brother!

   "Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.  -Marc Brown"

     I remember looking at him, awe-struck, as a kid. He was the coolest elder brother ever. He was perfect. I would listen to the songs he played and sang, and try to make sense of them. I would sit by him as he played the guitar, mesmerized. I would look at his perfect grade sheets, and want to study better. I would look at the dimple on his cheek, and wish I had one too. I would look at him have his way around computers, and how he could fix just about anything. I saw his life, so methodical, perfectly chalked out. He knew what he wanted since he was in school. And I looked at him, moving through life, getting everything he wanted, with so much ease. He was a star. At-least in his little sister's eyes.
    I wonder how children without siblings spent their childhood. Coming to think of it, mine would've been one dry childhood, had it not been for my brother. I distinctly remember every little detail, and the memories never fail to bring a smile to my face.
      Endless memories crop up in my mind as I think of those days, and every memory, no matter how small or insignificant, has my brother with me. It sucks to have the most important person in your life gone away. It is tough to come to terms with not seeing the face you grew up with everyday, with not having someone who seems to be able to fix every problem, with not having someone to fight with you over chocolates and the remote. His yearly visits are just not enough. And the visits show me how much we have grown up, how much we have changed.
    We may have grown up, gotten smarter with age and will probably move on to better things in life. But, I know for a fact, that I would trade everything I have to go back to those days, back to being the adoring little sister, who saw the world in her brother's eyes..